


baby we can drive my car

by snowpatrol



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, M/M, Mention of underage drinking, Romance, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, They meet again in college, car ride bcs i love that kind of aesthetic so much, idk how to tag help, just a little bit, just teens being sappy and grossly in love, most of this just tooth rotting fluff, over dramatic teenagers, slight mention of other ships, there's tiny bit of angst, wonwoo has noisy but supportive friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 06:07:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14419263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowpatrol/pseuds/snowpatrol
Summary: There is one specific name that will always taste like stomach acid and regret on Wonwoo’s tongue.And that is Kim Mingyu.





	baby we can drive my car

**Author's Note:**

> just a head up
> 
> the story took time during their high school year and college. the past timeline is in italic and present timeline is the non italic  
> the settings are in Nevada (highschool) and California (college), please don't mind the Street name lol
> 
> thanks a lot to bluetails for making me want to post also for betaing and fixing the disaster i made in this fic
> 
> Listen to playlist of songs that inspired this fic [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/jeontiyo/playlist/4m37I8Bz4kJRhW1APHZ3u5?si=ms6DfMZETw6PUKaU1Ggqog)

There is one specific name that will always taste like stomach acid and regret on Wonwoo’s tongue.

If he asks other people to describe the owner of that name, such as Minkyung for example, the girl will make a whole presentation contains of all the great thing that Kim Mingyu is.

With her eyes gazing far away, Minkyung will call Mingyu just like a soft sofa: a favorite spot to rest her small stature. Wonwoo can’t help but roll his eyes at that.

Still, he doesn’t blame Minkyung for such a harmless opinion since Mingyu hasn’t been anything but good for the past four months she’s known him. For the past four months Wonwoo sees Mingyu regularly in his college building, in Seungcheol’s apartment, in every party, and basically everywhere.

And every time, Wonwoo catches a glimpse of his smile. People say that Mingyu has this kind of breathtaking smile with his two canines poking out. It makes him look like an adorable puppy that everyone can’t seem to resist— everyone but Wonwoo that is.

“I don’t get it,” Minkyung says to Wonwoo one day with her head tilted and eyebrows scrunched in confusion. They are working together on an assignment that one time and Wonwoo knows whatever Minkyung claims she doesn’t get will not sound too appealing for his favor. She is not talking about the assignment at all. Which is proven immediately when she adds. “Why do you always put on an unhappy face near Mingyu, or whenever someone mentions his name?”

“I don’t do that.” Wonwoo denies.

“Yes, you do. It always looks like he’s offended you personally. Any reason for that?”

Wonwoo lazily waves his hand away, in a gesture that asks Minkyung to forget about it. “I don’t even know him that well. Why would I get offended?”

“Oh ok. Make sense,” Minkyung nods, seemingly believing him. She smiles and turns back to typing on her computer. Meanwhile Wonwoo takes a sip from his Iced Americano and swallows the bitterness of the drink. But the bitter taste can’t erase the discomfort resting at the tip of his tongue.

Perhaps Wonwoo feels a little guilty for lying. But Minkyung doesn’t need to know that.

  


**_August 28, 2012_ **

_The first time Wonwoo tried to say Mingyu’s name, his mouth tasted like stomach acid. Literally. The kind of stomach acid that would surge up your throat when you threw up and made a mess in a stranger’s bathroom._

_It was his second year in Highschool. Wonwoo had just arrived at his first party and decided to drink for the first time. As an underage drinker, he was no different from the other teenagers—too brave, too naive, and too confident._

_It was a party held by some cool senior from his school. Everyone was wild, and no one seemed to care about the rules, or your age. Wonwoo entered the party and stood there lost for a while in the midst of the chaos before someone shoved a small shot cup into his hand. Without another thought he downed it. The alcohol tasted bitter on the tip of his tongue but turned sweet when he swallowed it._

_“So this is how alcohol tastes like,” he couldn’t help but think._

_After his first shot, Wonwoo walked aimlessly, not knowing exactly what to do or who to look for. He stopped in the kitchen where there were lots more alcohol on the table. He poured himself a cup and downed it at once. The air around him started to feel hot, and the alcohol was really kicking into his system now. It was strange, but he felt good. More relaxed and loose._

_“I can handle this,” Wonwoo thought to himself. A moment later he took another drink from the table, this time a whole bottle of something he couldn’t care to check the label of._

_Dragging his limbs towards the refrigerator, he uncapped the bottle with his teeth and plopped down beside some kid who was clearly too drunk to bother sparing him a glance. The boy didn’t even bat an eye at Wonwoo and just kept smoking, so Wonwoo ignored him as well._

_Wonwoo had no idea how much alcohol he’d consumed before the room started spinning and he felt his dinner in his throat. He couldn’t even recall how his pathetic ass managed to get into the bathroom before throwing up his dinner in there, rather than the kitchen where everyone could see him and he’d be humiliated._

_That was the moment he met Kim Mingyu._

_There was a big possibility that Mingyu was the one who took him to the bathroom—_ _Wonwoo never remembered to clarify this._

_He remembered thinking that night that Mingyu was a good person, and his face was pretty._

_He’d patted Wonwoo’s back until his stomach stopped emptying out its contents. Mingyu had kept him company, cleaned any mess from the bathroom floor, and taken him out of there. He then gave Wonwoo a glass of water and made sure he wasn’t going to throw up anymore._

_After finishing his water, Wonwoo put the glass back in the table, not paying attention. He looked at Mingyu who now looked like he had two heads. Wonwoo blinked several times to regain his focus and erase his dizziness. He tried hard to not sound too drunk when he opened his mouth._

_“Thank you um...”_

_“Mingyu. Kim Mingyu.”_

_“I don’t know a Mingyu, but thank you.” Wonwoo proceeded to answer, and that was the last thing he remembered before blacking out._

 

 

**_August 29th, 2012_ **

_Wonwoo’s earliest sober memory of Mingyu started when he woke up the next morning with a severe headache._

_It felt like his head was about to explode and his brain would splatter all over the floor. The dizzy feeling the night before was nothing compared to the hangover the morning after. It felt like a thousand ton of bricks were put on his head and another thousand ton on his neck._

_The first thing that caught his attention was that the grey wall looked nothing like his room. There was also a big Sasuke poster hanging on the wall in front of him, and he knew if he owned something like that he would get daily night terror._

_This was when the realization hit Wonwoo. He’d woken up in a stranger’s room, on said stranger’s bed, and beside him was a boy he didn’t recognize. He could vaguely remember last night’s events, but there were some blank spots in his memory because he couldn’t find out how the hell he managed to wake in this room, with this person._

_While Wonwoo was drowning in his own thoughts and inner monologue, the body beside him moved slightly._

_“What time is it?” the boy asked groggily, having just woken up._

_Wonwoo didn’t answer, too busy staring the sight of the fine tan skin and the boy’s exposed torso._

_The first thought his brain managed to conjure after seeing the stranger was, “Holy shit, did I sleep with this guy last night?”_

_Wonwoo was a virgin. He’d never had sex before, be it with a boy or a girl. But there was barely any regret in his thoughts. He wouldn’t want to change things if he really did it with someone as handsome as this. Pity he didn’t remember a thing._

_“We didn’t sleep together last night,” the stranger immediately said, as if he could read Wonwoo’s mind. He sounded more awake as he met Wonwoo’s eyes.  “I mean, yeah we kinda did sleep together in my bed. But you were drunk as hell, and I’m not that kind of jerk.”_

_“Oh,” was the only response Wonwoo let out because what else could he say. There was a beat of silence before he finally managed to ask, “Why am I here? Is this your room?”_

_“You were really out of it last night. Drank more than what you can handle huh?” The boy let out a soft chuckle. “You wouldn’t cooperate at all and I don’t know your address. I didn’t even know your name, so I just brought you here to my house. I swear I didn’t do anything inappropriate. At all.”_

_Wonwoo gave him a questioning look. He didn’t need to say that multiple times, Wonwoo got it the first time. “Why didn’t you just leave me there?”_

_“And let you pass out in that mess, with all those sketchy people? I have some conscience thank you very much,” Mingyu curtly responded. “Oh, and you’re welcome.”_

_Wonwoo drew his eyebrows together in confusion. They were strangers. No one would blame the guy if he left him in that mess of a party. Wonwoo wouldn’t even have remembered him if he hadn’t woken up here. But it was early in the morning, his temples were throbbing, and the pounding in his skull wouldn’t relent so Wonwoo simply decided to drop the subject. Instead he said, “Thank you uhm...”_

_“Mingyu.” Mingyu smiled so bright, and Wonwoo couldn’t help but notice his pointed canines. “Kim Mingyu.”_

_Some form of déjà vu hit Wonwoo when Mingyu said his name. Maybe that was a memory from last night when Mingyu had to help his drunken ass. “Thanks, Mingyu.”_

_Mingyu’s name tasted like stale alcohol and a bad hangover the second time Wonwoo said it._

  


 

 

Wonwoo loves to convince himself and everyone around him that sentimental feelings like love are ridiculous and he doesn’t need it to survive. No one should need it to survive.

“Don’t fool yourself,” Jeonghan would usually say to him and mockingly laugh. His eyes would disappear into half moon crescents and his mouth would open wide— he’d still look as pretty as ever of course.

Jeonghan’s very laugh had always been effective to let him get his way. If Wonwoo said, ‘your laugh only works on Jisoo since he’s too whipped for your ass, it doesn’t affect me’, Wonwoo knew the twitch of his left eye would give away the truth.

“Only pathetic people without any ambition would rely on something like love,” Wonwoo tells Jeonghan one day. They’re hanging out in Jeonghan’s place. They’ve been playing games peacefully before Jeonghan decides it’s a good day to make Wonwoo's non existent love life as a good conversation topic. He's trying to convince Wonwoo going out on a blind date for he is so cranky these days and assumes that maybe has something to do with the fact that he is single and lonely. Which is not the case at all.

Jeonghan snorts. “Then you’re calling everyone but yourself in this world pathetic.”

“Debatable. There are more people who don’t believe in love and relationships more than those who do.”

“Then explain why there are over 50 million married couples in the US.”

Wonwoo rolls his eyes. “First of all, I refuse to believe your data is accurate. Please stop making things up, _hyung_. Also, did you check the number of divorces yet?”

“You’re only acting this way because you’re lonely,” Jeonghan says with a shake of his head. “Please go on a blind date and fall in love for once. Maybe that can make you less.... you.”

What’s wrong with being me? Wonwoo thought indignantly.

“No. Love is stupid,” he says instead.

Jeonghan lets out an exasperated sigh. Giving up sounded easier to him than arguing about such things with Jeon Wonwoo. “Just say you want to call me stupid and go.”

“I’m just trying to say that I don’t need love or anyone to validate my happiness,” Wonwoo replies. He’s silent for a moment, deep in thought before speaking again. “But you’re not wrong. I think you are quite stupid.”

“You think you’re all that huh? Can’t wait for the day you fall in love and become stupid too.”

Wonwoo’s only reply is a simple shrug and their conversation ends at that.

Besides, when has Wonwoo ever been stupid?

 

 

_He has._

 

Kim Mingyu.

Sometimes Seungcheol called him Ming _ew_ —something to do with his lack of hygiene or whatever. But most of them only called him with his real name: Mingyu.

Seungcheol adopted the puppy like boy into their group of friend a week after the new semester started.

“Oh, by the way guys, this is Mingyu,” Seungcheol first introduced Mingyu to their friend group. “He was my coworker on my summer job at Pledis.”

_He’s fun and cool._

That’s what Seungcheol said if any of them asked why he would recruit the boy into their group of friends that fast. Wonwoo knew that he couldn’t blame Seungcheol, because he understands damn well that yeah, Mingyu was a cool person. And it wasn’t just his physical appearance that fit the word. He had an easy-going personality, he was fun to be with, very kind hearted, and you could joke around with him without him getting offended easily. Even if he was clumsy and lacked a little (so much) when it came to hygiene, it was hard not to fall for his charm.

Wonwoo knew this well enough. Mingyu was like a cute puppy, and his ramyun cooking game was strong. Everyone loved him immediately.

Wonwoo regretted a little that Seungcheol had to work at Pledis last summer and met Mingyu even though he couldn’t do anything about it. The older was the kind of person who didn’t care about anyone’s age or seniority in friendship. If you made him comfortable enough, you were welcomed to join his gang (if they welcomed you too).

 

And apparently—good for Mingyu but bad for Wonwoo—everyone was already won over by Mingyu only in one meeting. Even Jihoon was super fond of him— though he’ll never admit this.

Only Wonwoo—exactly like Minkyung’s word—was the only one who wasn’t and more likely would never be, close to Mingyu. They didn’t really talk or socialize with one another. Only a polite nod here and there every time their eyes would coincidentally meet.

“No personal reason, we’re just awkward,” Wonwoo would have to explain to his friends. “We’re way too different.”

No one would be suspicious over this statement from Wonwoo, because well, there was nothing to debate— they were polar opposites. Their way of having fun was different.

Wonwoo was an introvert who chose to pile himself in an ocean of books rather than interact with real people—while Mingyu loved physical affection from others more than anything. Wonwoo drew an obvious line between them the moment they met through Seungcheol, and Mingyu has never bothered to violate it.

Well at least they didn’t despise each other. Or at least, that’s what their friends thought.

But there were no words to describe just how dishonest Wonwoo felt when he kept on repeating that same lie over and over to his friends every time Mingyu’s name was brought up in every conversations. Because none of them had ever seen through it. They had no idea that this clumsy but fun giant was once _his_ Mingyu, his own clumsy giant.

Seungcheol was familiar with Mingyu’s laugh, Jeonghan recognized his charming canines and crooked teeth, and Joshua could spot Mingyu’s head even among a crowd. But none of them ever knew how Mingyu’s breath tingled his skin everytime he kissed Wonwoo, or what it sounded like muffled against his lips and Wonwoo would take in the sound so it became one with his own voice, or how his giggle ticked against Wonwoo’s neck, and how they would both lie down and laugh so hard until it felt like the rest of the world didn’t exist.

How could his friends count the wrinkles on Mingyu’s cheek when he laughed, if they’d never been close enough to graze their fingers over them? Only Wonwoo knew how nice it felt to run all his fingers through Mingyu’s hair and make a mess of it, and when Wonwoo would sit on Mingyu’s lap he could smell the younger boy’s shampoo because his hair was only a breath away.

Those kinds of emotions and nostalgia were what Wonwoo had to deal with when it came to Kim Mingyu.

 

 

 

**_December 24th, 2012_ **

_Christmas eve in his second year of highschool marked the date when Wonwoo broke up with his boyfriend._

_He knew Ethan Jones from chemistry. They started as lab partners— well extremely close ones. They shared so many of the same hobbies and interests. Sitting with Ethan for two hours in Chemistry never felt boring because Wonwoo could literally talk about everything and nothing with him. Ethan was a really good listener._

_Chemistry was their only class together but it didn’t stop the two from meeting and spending lunch break with each other almost every day. Shortly after, they exchanged phone numbers and followed each other on every social media. It was easy with him—talking everyday through text, and at the same time on twitter._

_It didn’t take long until their friendship turned into something else. They started dating late October, after Ethan kissed him for the first time at a Halloween party which Wonwoo barely remembered by now._

_Oh God, that very first kiss— it was one of the most incredible moments, and it almost felt surreal. Ethan was a good kisser, or maybe Wonwoo just thought that because he actually had a huge ugly crush on him since their first week as lab partners._

_Ethan wasn’t Wonwoo’s first love though. It only took them two months to break things off. People said their kind of relationship came too quickly and would be gone in the same pattern— too quickly. Which is exactly what happened._

_Whenever their relationship was mentioned months later, Wonwoo could feel embarrassment running through his veins because of how he’d overreacted towards their breakup— all the hurt feelings just because Ethan left him for Irina Scherban, the prettiest girl in their year. To be quite honest, if it was Wonwoo, he’d choose those blonde locks and blue eyes over himself too. But when the thing took place, Wonwoo was exceptionally hurt and disappointed._

_Actually his relationship with Ethan, or how the boy cheated on him with Irina (who by the way dumped him only two weeks following), was not what left the deepest impression on Wonwoo. The relationship was fun while it lasted. Ethan was a decent boyfriend (minus his pathetic cheating ass), but that was it. Wonwoo was upset post breakup, but it wasn’t a longing memory, or something that Wonwoo couldn’t forget. Really, it was what and who that came right after, that Wonwoo could never forget._

_Wonwoo had met Mingyu and became friends with the boy after the party incident. They weren’t as close as him and Ethan, but that made sense. They were just friends, and didn’t even see each other that often because they were in different grads, and only met in the hallway probably once or twice._

_But maybe because of the simple fact they were both Korean, they just got close naturally, texted occasionally or played games on the weekend._

_Although that alone wouldn’t explain their closeness. It was also more than just that. Wonwoo remembered that night that he broke up with his boyfriend, while he sat pathetically in a local subway with a half eaten sandwich, the first name that came to mind was Mingyu. He had texted the younger about what happened. Wonwoo had no logical explanation for why he did so._

_Wonwoo didn’t even know whether the younger was still in town, or if he left to Korea to spend the holiday with his grandparents. By the time he realized how ridiculous his thoughts were, suddenly thinking of Mingyu right after his break up, his phone suddenly rang. It was an incoming call from Mingyu. Wonwoo didn’t pick up immediately, he stared at the screen for a few seconds too long, watching Mingyu’s name blink on his blackberry._

_“Hyung where are you?” Mingyu asked frantically as soon as Wonwoo answered. “You alright?”_

_Wonwoo chose to ignore the first question. “Don’t know. I feel like dying,” he said, because he was dumb and sad and an overdramatic teenager._

_“Don’t,” Mingyu franctically spoke. “Don’t do anything stupid. Tell me your location, hyung.”_

_Wonwoo didn’t respond._

_“Wonwoo hyung? Please?”_

_Perhaps it was the desperate pleading of Mingyu’s voice, or maybe Wonwoo just needed moral support from someone then, but he finally gave in and told the younger his whereabouts._

_It didn’t take Mingyu too long, he arrived half an hour or so later with his Father’s Corolla 76. It was the ugliest car Wonwoo had ever seen, being a gross shade of green, and the radio wasn’t working and neither was the air conditioner. According to Mingyu the vehicle also broke down more often than not._

_But for some odd reason, Wonwoo liked that car._

_They took off, and he didn’t complain one bit when Mingyu took him driving all along Granada Avenue to Western Way and got lost in the cramped alleys of Jacobsen._

_Wonwoo talked and talked during their ride. About how he met Ethan, how nice he was, how this American boy with broad shoulders would protect his pale skin from the sun, and how sweetly he spoke in the local Starbucks where they drank coffee, cramming for their report. Now he can’t help but have this strong urge to go in that cafe and erase their names from the table where they had sneakily written their names on._

_“Isn’t that vandalism?” Mingyu said, not taking his eyes off the road. “Won’t they like fine you if they ever find out?”_

_“Yeah, maybe it’ll be for the best if I stopped going there,” Wonwoo shrugged._

_A few hours later Mingyu gave up trying to get back on a familiar road, and he parked the Corolla nearby a park. Wonwoo kept talking, making a list of all the bad characteristics of Ethan Jones, and why he should actually be grateful to break up with the guy._

_“He eats with his mouth wide open, can you believe that? Disgusting.” Or, “He thought he was so handsome, sending me selfies every two hours, like I care.”_

_Yes, Wonwoo absolutely did care, but Mingyu didn’t need to know that._

_“Have I told you he listens to Nickleback?”_

_“He doesn’t like dogs and despises cats so much, what kind of monster...”_

_“Why did I even like him?”_

_Wonwoo sighed, feeling done. There was a long stretch of silence following— too long and too quiet for Wonwoo’s liking, and he could feel Mingyu’s gaze on him from his peripherals.  Maybe the boy was worried that Wonwoo would cry— but that was silly. Wonwoo didn’t cry. He just kept his mouth shut in the shotgun, and blankly stared at the empty space in front of him. It was 2 am, and Wonwoo felt broken and pathetic in Mingyu’s car._

_They stayed still without any exchange of words for quite a few minutes before Wonwoo broke the silence._

_“Why do you think he did that?”_

_“Did what?” Mingyu asked._

_“Cheating on me with Irina. But then again, I guess I understand somehow,” Wonwoo said with a sigh. “Ethan is bi, and Irina is pretty, I can’t deny that. Who wouldn’t fall for those looks? But I thought he was different. I thought he... loved me,” Wonwoo voice came out tiny and weak at the last few words._

_Mingyu didn’t answer Wonwoo, and instead seemed to stare at Wonwoo’s natural raven black hair._

_Wonwoo answered his own question when it seemed like Mingyu wouldn’t. “Maybe it’s her eyes. Those clean blue eyes. Nobody could resist that. Even I’d want to stare at them.”_

_At that, Mingyu seemed to find his voice. “Wonwoo_ hyung _, look at me.”_

_Wonwoo slowly turned his head, and when they were face to face, Mingyu looked directly into Wonwoo’s sharp eyes. “You have beautiful brown eyes.”_

 

_He seemed to hold his breath after his words, and maybe Mingyu actually did think Wonwoo was breathtaking._

_At those words, Wonwoo forgot what oxygen meant. He felt too awkward to break their eye contact, but he was also too giddy from Mingyu’s words and their sudden staring contest._

_Then something strange happened. Suddenly in Wonwoo’s eyes, Mingyu was no longer just Mingyu— the Korean freshman he knew would always have time when he asked to hang out— that night he looked more mature than Wonwoo ever gave him credit for._

_“Don’t just compliment me to make me feel good,” is what Wonwoo said the moment he found his voice back. “No one likes brown eyes.”_

_This time Mingyu only sighed heavily. And then he moved his hand across the empty space between them and placed it gently on Wonwoo’s cheekbone, before brushing away his overgrown bangs that covered his eyes slightly._

_Mingyu seemed to look at him in disbelief._

_However, what Wonwoo didn’t know was that there were no other eyes that made Mingyu feel the way he did._

_In Wonwoo’s brown eyes, Mingyu saw not just an entire ocean, but also a reflection of the world. He found warm flecks in those orbs that were like sunrays, and saw something soulful and sweet in the blacks. Mingyu couldn’t help but think that an ungrateful Ethan fucking Jones clearly didn’t know how to appreciate beautiful things, and had absolutely no right to make this boy feel any less than who he was— in fact he would gladly go up and tell Ethan to fuck off with Irina._

_Mingyu continued looking at Wonwoo in disbelief, because the older boy had zero clue about all of Mingyu’s feelings._

_But maybe Mingyu should let him know._

_“I do, hyung.”_

  


 

 

Lee Seokmin majored in Journalism in college. Wonwoo had no idea what those journalist kids did, but Seokmin did share one class with him, and that was criminal psychology.

They met every Tuesday evening with their little group that consisted of himself, Seokmin, and three others. They would meet in the comfy nearby Starbucks after afternoon classes, since that was the only time the place was not crowded by college students. They chose one specific spot in the café. Of course they didn’t always discuss previous lessons— sometimes they’d just gather, drink overpriced coffee, and talk about an episode from Criminal Minds or in Wonwoo’s case, whatever mystery novel he wanted to recommend.

But Criminal Pshycology or college in general was not the first place Wonwoo met Seokmin. He knew the younger when they were part of Choir back in high school. Seokmin was in the same year as Mingyu and had so many classes together with him, but the relationship between those two boys was quite awkward from what Wonwoo remembered. Despite the fact that both were Korean and both were close friends to Wonwoo, somehow their awkwardness wouldn’t relent. In fact in his last year of highschool, Wonwoo remembered clearly how much Mingyu hated Seokmin.

So imagine just how taken aback Wonwoo is when one particular Tuesday evening, as he drinks his Iced Americano while reading Seokmin’s messy notes, with Kim Doyoung reading over his shoulder— suddenly this group of second years come to the empty table right beside theirs, and one of them cheerfully calls Seokmin’s name. Wonwoo hates the fact that he can recognize the voice in an instant.

Kim Mingyu smiles his —for a lack of better word— sweet smiles with his canines poking out, just like the cute overgrown puppy he is. He waves at their direction. Their study group all turn heads to look at him, and if Mingyu hadn’t shouted Seokmin’s name loud and clear, Wonwoo would almost believe the younger is waving at him.

It’s wistful thinking.

“Oh, hey Mingyu,” Seokmin replies enthusiastically.

Wonwoo loves Seokmin and his cheerful personality, but just this once he doesn’t even know why on earth hearing his cheery voice makes Wonwoo gag. He can’t help but wonder when the two grew so close. And no, it’s not like he’s angry because Mingyu greeted Seokmin and ignored him. That’s definitely not the case.

“Seokmin, what the hell are you doing with these upperclassmen and all those books? Don’t say you’re seriously studying,” one of the boys from Mingyu’s group of friends says in an unnecessarily loud voice, and it grates Wonwoo’s ears. They’re literally one table away, and Seokmin should've been able to hear him clearly.

“Shut up, Bam, I’m trying to get a perfect A from this class,” Seokmin retorts.

Then another one of this boys all of a sudden steps closer towards their table and he lowers his head toward Doyoung who is is still trying to read over Wonwoo’s shoulder. Wonwoo thinks the boy might be trying to kiss Doyoung.

But because Doyoung is definitely not a big fan of PDA, he avoid the kiss and ends up leaning all of his weight on Wonwoo and despite Doyoung being just skin and bones, Wonwoo is even worse, so of course he loses his balance. He stumbles to the ground, followed by Doyoung, and then who Wonwoo assumes to be his boyfriend. Chaos ensues.

“Goddammit Jaehyun, you’re fucking heavy, get off.” Doyoung hisses in pain on top of Wonwoo who has to endure the weight of not just one, but two men. Talk about being crushed.

And as if that’s not bad enough, his hip is now throbbing with pain from when he hit it against a chair as he fell. Wonwoo is pretty certain it’ll bruise later. Great. Why is this his life?

“I’m sorry. I’m so so so sorry,” Jaehyun profusely apologizes. He gives his hand to help Doyoung stand up and continues asking about his boyfriend’s well being, completely forgetting his other victim.

 

Wonwoo slowly gets up from the ground. _Sometimes you only have yourself to help you get up from the ground_ , he can’t help but think.

“Wonwoo? Is that you?”

Wonwoo sighs upon hearing his name. He doesn’t care if Mingyu doesn’t recognize him or not. In fact, he’d prefer that the younger doesn’t recognize him anywhere.

But those thoughts seem to contradict the sudden pang in his heart— that’s something he can’t explain in this moment. Why the hell does it feel like something underneath his chest is burning a lot stronger than his hip right now?

Wonwoo opts to ignore Mingyu, Jaehyun, and Seokmin who all look concerned. Instead, he gathers all his belongings from the table and claims he has to hurry for class—which is obviously a lie, but that doesn’t stop him.

Mingyu doesn’t bother getting up from his chair to go after him, or call his name, which Wonwoo shouldn’t be surprised about— considering Mingyu doesn’t have any obligation to do that anymore. But for some odd reason, that fact only makes the ache in his heart worse.

Wonwoo is well aware that the feelings in his chest are something that should’ve long since faded. Because this is not Nevada. These streets around are not the so-called Granada Avenue. Their relationship ended years ago.

This is college. This is Burbank. This is California— and he doesn’t get lost between all the empty alleys anymore.

There’s no reason to feel like he’s seventeen all over again.

 

 

 

**_February 18th, 2013_ **

_“Why won’t you even wish him a happy birthday?” Wonwoo snapped._

_He walked past Mingyu, making it clear that he didn’t want the younger to follow him._

_He was angry, and maybe it was for a childish reason, but he just didn’t get it. What was so hard about wishing someone happy birthday, especially when he’s your not-boyfriend’s best friend, and when you’re classmates in the first place. But no, Mingyu only stood there in silence, and clearly didn’t give a flying fuck to other people whose name is not Jeon Wonwoo._

_“We never talked before.” Mingyu reasoned. Which was a stupid reason to Wonwoo, considering the fact that him and Seokmin were in the same fucking year, and took so many of the same classes, and had the same ethnicity in this foreign country._

_“But what’s so hard about wishing him a simple happy birthday?” Wonwoo repeated._

_“Come on, Won. You can’t be angry over this.”_

_Wonwoo knew his face read ‘try me, bitch’, but he only said, “Seokmin is my best friend and you’re being rude to him. I’m not talking to you for a week.”_

_“What? That’s unfair. Wonwoo, wait. Wonwoo!!!”_

 

**February 19th, 2013**

_“Wonwoo, did your boyfriend eat something strange yesterday?” Seokmin asked first thing in the morning when they met in the locker. He didn’t even try to hide his giggle._

_“Mingyu is not my boyfriend,” replied Wonwoo, rolling his eyes. “What’s with him?”_

_“Yet,” Seokmin said with a smirk on his face, and wiggled his eyebrows mischievously. Wonwoo had this strong urge to smack his face away. “Well,” Seokmin continued. “I suddenly received a long message from him wishing me happy birthday, which is so not him. I didn’t know how to respond.”_

_Wonwoo parted his lips, but the only reply that came out was pure laughter._

 

_Later that afternoon, Wonwoo ruffled Mingyu’s hair and couldn’t stop smiling as soon as he hopped in his car._

_“Are we good now?” Mingyu pouted._

_Whistling happily, Wonwoo fastened his seatbelt and answered, “I love it the most when you’d do literally anything to make me stop sulking.”_

_Mingyu rolled his eyes but then he smiled and stared at Wonwoo like the sun was shining out of his ass._

_“I’m craving some unhealthy junk food. Wanna grab a burger?” Mingyu asked._

_“Of course, but you pay,” Wonwoo shrugged._

_Mingyu snorted and shook his head but he didn’t refuse. “Be grateful Kim Mingyu likes you that much.”_

 

 

 

 

 

On a friday night party with their large group of Asian friend, Soonyoung destroyed his well built lie with a single sentence.

“All jokes aside, among you losers, I’m only interested with Wonwoo’s love life right now.”

Wonwoo rolls his eye from across the circle. Soonyoung’s back at it to try and pick a fight with him.

As if on cue, Jeonghan adds from other side of the circle. “I second that. I mean look at all of us here. Everyone but Wonwoo has an existent love life. Even Jihoon. Look at him with Seungcheol. He’s ready to kill everyone that literally breathes in his direction, but that changes the moment Seungcheol appears.”

“Fuck off.” Jihoon hisses. At the same time he takes Seungcheol’s hand only to use it to cover his eyes in embarrassment, which make everyone either want to _awe,_ or gag at the scene.

“See what I mean?” Jeonghan says, extremely proud to prove his point. “Even Jihoon can be like that. You’re the only one with a non-existent love life here. What’s so special about you, Jeon Wonwoo?”

“Not everyone wants to be disgustingly in love like that, _hyung_ ,” Wonwoo retorts.

“Tell us. Have you ever been in love?”

Wonwoo groans loudly. From the corner of his eyes he sees that Jihoon is immediately relieved that he’s no longer in the center of attention. “I told you this once and I’ll tell you again. Love is stupid.”

“Oh, Wonwoo, sweetheart—“

“Don’t. Call. Me. That,” Wonwoo scowls.

Jeonghan ignores him. “I just wanna know your love history, that’s all.”

Wonwoo glares at the older. Why was this even a topic? Weren’t they playing a game like two minutes ago before Soonyoung’s big mouth ruined it all? “What is this? Project X ‘discovering Wonwoo’s love life’ episode?”

“Correct,” Jeonghan has the audacity to respond.

Jeonghan’s answers make the others in the room laugh and cheer. They’re half drunk and loud. Sometimes, Wonwoo hates his friends.

Secretly, Wonwoo can’t help but steal a glance in Mingyu’s direction. The boy hasn’t said anything, but he has clearly been silently listening rather than paying attention to a half drunk Bam Bam who seems to be talking nonstop.

Seokmin surprisingly sits straight, saying nothing at all. Wonwoo is a little scared he’d spill everything he knows to everyone in the room. Fortunately he doesn’t. This is one of the reasons Wonwoo likes the younger so much. Sometimes he knows when to keep his mouth shut, and Wonwoo is grateful for that.

The last thing he wants right now is for everyone to know he has some sort of history with Kim Mingyu.

Of course to his goddamn luck, Soonyoung speaks again over all that other noise in the room. “Didn’t Seokmin go to the same highschool with him? You must’ve known a thing or two about Wonwoo. Come on, spill dude.”

Everyone seems to turn their heads to Seokmin, looking at him expectantly. Well everyone other than Mingyu.

Why were all these people so interested to begin with? Wonwoo desperately watches Seokmin, who looks at him helplessly. Wonwoo has faith in this boy. Unlike a certain _someone_ , Seokmin will never disappoint him.

But of course the whole world seems to hate him and conspires to make his life miserable, because even Seokmin breaks his trust tonight. “All I can say is that Mingyu should be the one you’re asking about that matter,” Seokmin nervously lets out. “Since you know—” he shrugs, “they were a thing.”

“Mingyu?!” Everyone in the room seems to shout simultaneously.

In those few seconds, the smile on Wonwoo’s face slips off his lips and is replaced with horror in his eyes.

Wonwoo takes back his word. Seokmin is an idiot. And Wonwoo hopes he realizes that he fucked up big time and won’t be forgiven.

  


 

**May 17th, 2013**

_Wonwoo would never forget the first time he held Mingyu’s hand when they were out late night driving during one hot May night. Both boys laid on top of Mingyu’s old Corolla. That was the night when he finally let Mingyu called him his. There’s an uncertainty relieved in his heart that can’t be explained with any words he had learned his entire 18 years of living. Sweats dripping from their locked finger, uncomfortable feeling that didn’t even stop Wonwoo from holding Mingyu’s hand tighter. There were butterflies in his stomach. The usual cliche. No stars showed up on the night sky of Nevada. So it’s funny that Wonwoo felt as if millions of fireflies and starlights brought forth by two imperfect hands. For holding Mingyu’s hand felt like holding his soul. That was the moment when Wonwoo realized he fell in love._

  


 

 _“Sooo,”_ Soonyoung says, with a glint in his eyes the next day. He had crashed through the night after party at Wonwoo's and the latter regrets for letting him did so. Because first thing in the morning he says is “You had a thing with Mingyu. _Our_ Mingyu?”

Sometimes Wonwoo wonders why he hasn’t accomplished his big plan of replacing all his friends with new, well functioning ones yet. Not only Jeonghan, but all of them. Maybe he’ll keep Jihoon though, since they understand and can tolerate each other. Meanwhile, Kwon Soonyoung... he’ll probably get rid of him first.

“No personal reason, we’re just awkward. We’re way too different.” Soonyoung mocks his past explanations as he digs through his breakfast. “No personal reason, my ass. He’s your fucking ex. Is that why none of you told us that he went to Lowry too?”

Wonwoo avoids Soonyoung’s prying eye when he replies. “Why’re you so quick jumping into conclusions like that? What’s the proof that he’s my ex?”

“Seokmin literally said, and I quote, that you two ‘were a thing’. What else would that mean?”

“That maybe we’re best buddies and people keep mistaking us as couple just like you and Seokmin? I don’t know. You tell me. What are _you_ guys?”

“ _Sssh_ don’t try make this about me,” Soonyoung retorts. “And I know denial when I see one. That kind of defensive reaction is not a sign that you two were best buddies. He’s your ex. My guts tell me I’m not wrong.”

“Well tell your guts I hate him.”

Soonyoung smirks. “So, ex boyfriend it is huh?”

“I’m so changing my friends.”

 

 

Seungcheol breaks through his room another day when Wonwoo tries to study for his upcoming quiz.

He says, “So Wonwoo, now that we know you and Mingyu were a thing...”

“Oh God, not you too, Seungcheol _hyung_.” Wonwoo groans and drops his head into his thick law book.

“Stop doing that every time you hear his name.” Seungcheol picks up Wonwoo’s head and force the younger to sit straight. “You’ll sure hear it more often from now on. Everyone knows about the two of you. And you know the boys, no one’s letting it go soon. You can’t avoid it.”

“I hate all of you.”

“You know the feeling’s mutual right?”

“Fuck you,” Wonwoo scowls.

Ignoring his curse, Seungcheol then orders him to “Take off your shirt.”

Instinctively, Wonwoo crosses his hands in front of his chest. He gives Seungcheol a weird stare like the older just grew a second head. “You’re dating Jihoon _remember_?”

Seungcheol snorts. “Save that for Mingyu. I just wanna see the tattoo on your ribs.”

That is in no way any better.

Wonwoo removes his hands from his chest and move them to the hem of his shirt, holding it there so he can block Seungcheol if he tries to take a peek.

“Awe come on. Don’t make this hard Wonwoo.”

“I don’t have a tattoo. The hell are you on?”

“Yeah, that’s why you’re balling your hands over your shirt like that, and won’t show me your ribs? Do i look dumb enough to believe that?”

“Well, you can’t deny that sometimes you act like an idiot,” Wonwoo shrugs.

“Show me.”

“Why should I? Go home, _hyung_.”

“Don’t make me use force.”

“I told you there’s no tattoo.”

“Then show me, dammit.”

“I don’t... wait what are you doing?” Wonwoo yells out with alarm.

Seungcheol doesn’t even care about Wonwoo’s protests and disrespecting his personal space when he leans close to Wonwoo. The younger tries to run but Seungcheol is faster and stronger than Wonwoo who is just 182 cm of fragile bones. Seungcheol way too easily pushes Wonwoo’s hands away and pulls up the fabric.

Seungcheol is greeted with the sight of two little dragons forming an ‘MG’ initial on Wonwoo’s left ribs as soon as he lifts up the shirt. Satisfied with his finding, Seungcheol releases his hand so Wonwoo can finally move. The angry glare from the younger doesn’t seem to faze him.

Seungcheol whistles, “MG for Mingyu?”

Instead of an answer, Wonwoo shoots a deathly glare in Seungcheol’s direction. He holds the hem of his shirt again as if his life depends on it, even though he’s fully aware that it’s no use by now.

“I made a bet with the guys,” says Seungcheol, not even remotely guilty. “Tell me. Does sweet little Mingyu also have ‘WW’ written in that same place?” he asks with a smirk.

“Get the hell out before I kill you,” Wonwoo growls.

 

 

 

 

**_April 6th, 2014_ **

_Two hours before Mingyu’s birthday was over, Mingyu and Wonwoo were driving around aimlessly. Mingyu said he wanted to spend his birthday until the very last second with his boyfriend._

_They had cake for celebration, finished it way too quickly, bought sandwiches for dinner, and drove along the Granada Avenue to Jacobsen without another episode of getting lost this time._

_When Mingyu stopped in a narrow open field, they made out in his car for a while, and Mingyu wouldn’t stop touching Wonwoo with the reason “it’s my birthday, let me touch you”, to which Wonwoo didn’t refuse or protest._

_Then they’d lay on top of his car watching the stars, and when it got too cold, they got back inside. Mingyu kissed him again and again, and kept on touching even where Wonwoo would deem inappropriate (this time with the reason “I’m just trying to keep you warm”). Again Wonwoo didn’t protest it— in fact he felt a bit needy for Mingyu._

_After that they had continued driving still without any specific destination, already run out of ideas about what to do next when Mingyu suddenly hit the brakes without warning. He offered an unapologetic smile when Wonwoo gave him an unamused frown. Mingyu knew damn well that his charming smile and teeth would always help him get his way with his boyfriend._

_“I want a tattoo,” he had said._

_“This suddenly?”_

_Mingyu nodded. “Mason just got one for his eighteenth birthday. I want one too.”_

_“You want one because of Mason, or because you want it? And do i need to remind you this is you 17th birthday, not 18th?”_

_“I’ve had the idea since forever,” Mingyu shrugged. “And I think this is the right time.”_

_Wonwoo sighed. It was too late at night and he didn’t think he had energy left to argue with Mingyu. “Okay, I’ll go with you this weekend.”_

_“Actually, no.” Mingyu ignored the questioning look across Wonwoo’s face. “I can’t wait that long. Let’s get one right now.”_

_“It’s already late. You still need to think about what you’re gonna have. Also where do we find an open parlor at this hour?”_

_Mingyu didn’t answer and just started the engine. “It’s Nevada. They should be opened till dawn.”_

_And right to his word, it took them less than thirty minutes to find one. Mingyu stopped his car right behind a sign with dim neon lights read ‘Dlaw Tattoo Open 24 hours’._

_The hell are these people open the whole day for?_

_A Mexican guy greeted them the moment they stepped in. Mingyu spoke casually to the man and Wonwoo was suspicious that this wasn’t Mingyu’s first visit. While they were discussing, Wonwoo sat on one of the empty chairs, and peeked through their sketches on the table. There were so many good sketches, and it made Wonwoo tempted to get one himself too, because they were—much to his surprise—aesthetically pleasing._

_Five or seven minutes passed before the Mexican guy called him. Wonwoo raised his head and saw that Mingyu had already gone to one of their rooms. Wonwoo was called again, and he hesitantly pointed at himself because why would this guy call him? The guy simply nodded._

_“Me?” Wonwoo asked again. Just because. The guy nodded again, this time looking like he had run out of patience for the day. Wonwoo slowly walked towards him even though he had no fucking idea what he was going to do. He sat in the chair as ordered. Still confused as to whatever was going on, he smelled alcohol, and then something wet touched his skin—he barely even registered his shirt being pulled up._

_His eyes suddenly widened. What the fuck?_

_“What the actual fuck is going on here?” Wonwoo asked with horror when he saw the guy was clearly pissed off because he stopped his hand._

_“Well, we’re obviously not baking a cake right now, are we?”_

_“I don’t want to get inked. Mingyu does,” Wonwoo tried to explain, even though obviously he was the one in desperate need of an explanation right now. Likely from Mingyu._

_“Of course I know that, genius. Your boyfriend is getting one right now in that room and Julio here will work on yours too.”_

_So his name is Julio. Doesn’t matter now._

_“But I don’t...” Wonwoo didn’t continue, he swallowed back his words when Julio so much as glared at him. He looked annoyed, and it kind of scared him, so Wonwoo shut his mouth._

_Even when his ribs hurt like a bitch when Julio started drawing on his skin, he didn’t even dare to let out the smallest whimper. All he did was curse Mingyu in his head and swore that he would break up with him later, which of course he knew he wouldn’t._

_Two hours later, Wonwoo found out that the sly kid that was his boyfriend had the plan of getting matching tattoos long before Mason even got one. He even drew lots of his own sketches._

_And after seeing how beautiful the little dragons actually were that were now on his skin or the ‘Jeon Wonwoo’ written on Mingyu’s chest, proudly challenging the owner of the name, Wonwoo realized he had no complains at all._

  


 

 

Wonwoo has developed a bad habit these days.

 

Ever since Mingyu broke back into his world again, Wonwoo spent too long staring awkwardly at the emptiness of his ceiling while replaying a few too many old scenarios that happened underneath the layer of starry skies back in Nevada.

Then Wonwoo would drive alone around the city until he was far away.

But his heart was constantly reminded of the familiar route he took back in Nevada with a certain someone. California never felt like home, and his head was full of old memories— all the things he should’ve let go years ago.

 

 

 

It was August 2017 when he met Mingyu again at Seungcheol’s place. Both had been too shock to react. But then Mingyu asked to talk alone in the balcony.

“I’m so sorry, I had no idea Seungcheol was your friend.” Mingyu’s helpless tone stirs some inexplicable feeling in Wonwoo’s stomach. Something he hadn’t felt in a long time, it was strange. It was like having a headache, or a stomach of flaring acid, or like the taste of his first beer.

“This is the important thing you wanted to talk about?” Wonwoo replies coldly, but he keeps up the façade to hide his shaken state. He hadn’t expected to see Mingyu at all, here, of all places.

“I don’t want you to think that I befriended Seungcheol because I knew that he was your friend,” Mingyu answers. His eyes remain trained on the ground from the very start of the conversation. “I swear I didn’t know. If I did, I wouldn’t— I would’ve backed off from the start. I didn’t want to bother you.”

“I—“ Wonwoo starts, but Mingyu keeps on rambling

“I know it’s uncomfortable having me around here. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t—“

“I won’t come again tomorrow I promise. I’ll back off. You deserve a peace of mind. I won’t talk to Seungcheol or the other—“

Aware that there wouldn’t be any chance for Mingyu to let him talk without interrupting, Wonwoo reaches out for the younger’s face and holds it in place. “Stop for a minute, will you?”

And so Mingyu stops, lips slightly parted.

“You don’t need do all of that,” Wonwoo finally says with a sigh.

As fast as he reached out, Wonwoo immediately retracts his hands from Mingyu like he’d been burned. He coughs awkwardly. “You can hang out with Seungcheol and the other guys. They like you anyway. Just do whatever you want with Seungcheol— but don’t kiss him. Jihoon will probably kill you,” he half jokes. “You’re free to be friends with everyone here.”

“But what about you?” Mingyu asks, looking surprised.

“What about me?” Wonwoo retorts.

“You won’t mind?”

Wonwoo makes a face, feeling slightly insulted. “Why would my opinion matter?” he asks.

He doesn’t deny or correct Mingyu. Because just like he said, why would his opinion matter at all?

Mingyu isn’t amused though. “Wouldn’t my presence make you feel weird or something?”

Wonwoo snorts. “This is not highschool, Mingyu. Get over yourself.”

Wonwoo knows those words were more likely for _himself_ , but he continues talking. “We’re no longer there. Do whatever you want. Don’t let anything that happened in Lowry stop you. It’s time to move on.”

Mingyu goes silent. He has no comeback for Wonwoo’s words. It almost looks like Mingyu is _hurt_ —or maybe Wonwoo is just imagining it. Regardless, Mingyu stands his ground, and Wonwoo takes the moment to flee from the suffocating air of the balcony.

It’s not about the lack of oxygen, but more about who he had to share the air with. Before he slips off behind the door, Wonwoo decides to make one thing clear to Mingyu. “And by the way, I don’t want the others to know about us. They won’t let me hear the end of it. You can lie about that yeah?”

Mingyu looks like he’s only one answer away from refusing Wonwoo’s words but instead he says, “Yeah, don’t worry about it.”

  


 

 

“Why did you guys break up?”

Sometimes Wonwoo believes that his friends, specifically three of his friends named Choi Seungcheol, Yoon Jeonghan, and Kwon Soonyoung, are incarnations of the devil itself whose sole purpose in life is to make Wonwoo more miserable than he already is. That’s the only logical explanation he can think of whenever these three decide it’s a good day to make his left eye twitch.

 

Apparently today is one of those good days.

“I wonder if our friendship doesn’t have any other topic that doesn’t start with Kim and ends with Mingyu,” Wonwoo snaps at Soonyoung.

“Before you open up about it? Nope. Most probably won’t happen.”

Wonwoo sighs heavily before giving Soonyoung this stare that makes it seem like the other just personally insulted him and his entire family. “There’s nothing to tell.”

“Oh, come on. You can do better than that.” Soonyoung groans. “Don’t you trust me? Aren’t we like best friends? What happened to telling each other about all of our secrets?”

Wonwoo does _not_ recall the existence of such a promise in their friendship.

Soonyoung is indeed his best friend. He won’t deny it, considering how they stick to each other like glucose 24/7.

They met not more than three years ago here but it surely feels like he’s known the other his whole life. He trusts Soonyoung with every fiber of his being. But this is a different matter. This is not something he’s willing to share with anyone, not even Soonyoung or Jeonghan or Seungcheol.

The problem is not in them or anyone in particular. God, it’s not even about Mingyu. The only problem is himself and the lack of control he has over his brain and heart. If he starts talking about his old relationship now, it’s the same as acknowledging that it did happen.

It’s been long since he decided that his relationship with Mingyu was only a dream during his highschool year. An entire two years of dreaming.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Wonwoo says at last, trying hard to avoid Soonyoung’s question.

“Yes, you do. Dude, come on. Spill it. I’m just curious about the whole story.”

“Curiousity kills the cat, Soonyoung.”

“Thank god I’m not one in that case.”

“It’s just the past. Why do I have to remember it again?”

“That’s the point.” Soonyoung says, clearly running out of patience. “If it’s that unimportant, why are you so afraid of people finding out? It wouldn’t have mattered if you talked about it. Because it’s just the past. It’s not important anymore. Unless—”

Soonyoung’s squint is one of Wonwoo’s least favorite things in this world. Nothing good ever comes from it. Moreover when Soonyoung adds, “Unless it really does matter to you. Are you not over him yet?”

“That’s definitely not the case,” Wonwoo says through clenched teeth.

After that he blocks Soonyoung’s voice from his head. Because if he’s honest about it, he’s truly afraid of talking about Mingyu. Maybe because Mingyu actually matters to him more than Wonwoo likes to admit, and Soonyoung doesn’t need to know that.

 

 

 

**_August 26th, 2013_ **

_Wonwoo never planned or even entertained the idea of breaking up one day with Mingyu. Not even for a millisecond._

_The relationship they shared was one of the best things that had ever happened to him. Or at least, that’s what he thought when he was admiring Mingyu’s golden skin their last summer together in Nevada._

_They spent the entire summer hanging out with each other almost all day and when the night came, Mingyu took Wonwoo driving to the strangest places Wonwoo had never gone to. They would escape for a while from the suffocating city air to go stargazing. They liked visiting the countryside too, or just enjoyed the summer vibes in the state._

_It was the peak of their relationship, Wonwoo could admit. When his feelings were stronger than ever towards Mingyu, and he wanted to hold onto that happiness forever._

_On the end of August, just like some other nights, Mingyu kidnapped Wonwoo and took him driving crossed town and stopped in an open field Wonwoo didn’t recognize._

_They sat on top of Mingyu’s car, and rested against each other as they shared liquor that Mingyu stole from his parents. Wonwoo didn’t know how much time passed of them watching the stars and talking about their uncertain future._

_Wonwoo didn’t mind losing track of time with Mingyu. He liked just being there with him, barely doing anything productive, just kissing and touching._

_But especially that night, they were more intimate than ever under the night sky of Nevada, and Wonwoo couldn’t help think, “God, I’m so in love with this boy, I never want to lose him.”_

_Mingyu laughed and when he said, “I never want to lose you either,” Wonwoo realized that he’d said that out loud._

_But it was ok because Mingyu responded just how Wonwoo had wanted, and oh god, they were really sappy and grossly in love and Wonwoo loved it so much._

_Wonwoo chuckled. “Glad to know.”_

_Mingyu gently pushed Wonwoo against the roof of the car and seconds later his view of the sky was blocked by Mingyu’s handsome face, and Wonwoo really couldn’t complain. Mingyu put both his hand on Wonwoo’s side, trapping him there although he had no intention to escape. He eliminated the space between their faces to kiss Wonwoo silly._

_The end of that August was the hottest from all other summer nights. And Wonwoo wasn’t just talking about the temperature._

_Mingyu had pulled Wonwoo into back seat of the car and made love to every inch of his body, while whispering how much he loved Wonwoo. That was the most intimate moment Wonwoo had ever shared with anyone his entire life. That night he swore that no matter what happen in his life, he would never forget the sensation of Mingyu’s lips on his skin._

_Maybe that would explain why he couldn’t erase that memory permanently in the following years. It stayed in a part of his brain, just like how the scratch he accidently left on the roof of Mingyu’s father’s Corolla remained permanently there_.

 

**_August 30 2013_ **

_Wonwoo had not seen Mingyu in three days because his mother grounded him after that one episode of late night driving that last till dawn._

_“You still remembered the way home?” Mrs. Jeon had said, arms crossed, the moment Wonwoo closed the door behind him that morning._

_Well so much for being not caught._

_Wonwoo forced an awkward laugh. Fully aware that he was definitely in trouble. “M—mom. Why are you up so early?”_

_“I haven’t slept at all.”_

_“Then go to sleep now?”_

_Mrs. Jeon sighed audibly, looking at her son with sleep deprived eyes that stirred guilt in Wonwoo’s stomach. He wasn’t the kind to sneak out or do reckless things, he was usually a very obedient and good son, which is why his mother must have been so worried when he didn’t get home past midnight._

_He was too busy kissing Mingyu that he hadn’t checked the time at all._

_“Wash your hands and go to sleep,” his mom said with a shake of her head._

_And Wonwoo didn’t waste any time to do what she told him. He didn’t want to get in any more trouble— although he knew for sure she would still punish him tomorrow morning._

 

_True to his prediction, at exactly seven am he was dragged out of his bed. His mother didn’t care if he had only slept for three hours or that his legs felt like giving away beneath him because of his activity the night before. She made him clean the house and the backyard, then dragged him along to go grocery shopping, cook dinner, all while listening to her nagging at him. And after all of that was done, he got more of her nagging and his penalty was that he was grounded, and no seeing Mingyu for two weeks._

_Thanks God to technology, he could still talk to his boyfriend over text and phone call._

_“I miss you,” Wonwoo whined into the phone._

_Mingyu laughed from the other end. Wonwoo had no idea where he was, maybe already in the state line, who knew. “I miss you too. Sorry you’re grounded because of me.”_

_“Nah. Don’t worry about it. I love the night adventures.”_

_“Is it that? Or you miss making out with me?” Mingyu teased._

_“Shut up you perv,” Wonwoo rolled his eyes even though Mingyu would not be able to see. “Be grateful I’m only grounded for two weeks. When the same thing happened with Ethan, she was really mad and went as far as not letting me date him.”_

_“And you just obeyed?”_

_“We broke up only a week later, genius.”_

_“Oh really? Sorry I wasn’t really paying attention to your relationship with your ex. So I have no idea.” Wonwoo could see the smile plastered over Mingyu’s face from the way he talked. He wanted to punch his pretty face._

_“Didn’t even know you had an ex called Ethan,” Mingyu said breezily. “Do I know him? Maybe we could try to find out what made Mother Jeon hate him so much.”_

_Wonwoo rolled his eyes. “Do I need to remind you that you’re not in her good books either right now?”_

_“Well, she didn’t say you should break up with me though. Of course I’ll reflect on my mistake for kidnapping you like that and only giving you back after dawn, but at least she likes me enough to keep me.”_

_“I don’t really think she does.”_

_Mingyu ignored his words. “No, I’m sure she actually likes me,” he proudly proclaimed. “She wants you to stay away from me, but at the same time she also wants you to stay with me.”_

_“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” Wonwoo retorted, but he knew well that Mingyu wasn’t wrong._

 

 

 

 

 

“You bought my mom a what?!” Wonwoo exclaims loudly, a little surprised to see the little box Mingyu just put on the table. Pushing aside their drinks.

The latter had texted him the night before to meet. And because Wonwoo was such a weak ass bitch, even if he wanted to decline, his finger moved as though they were on autopilot to say yes. Which explains why he's meeting Mingyu in the campus starbuck after his classes end.

Sometimes his body just moved freely without his consent when it came to Mingyu, and he hated it.

“Tomorrow is her birthday,” Mingyu says.

Wonwoo‘s completely aware of that. “But you don’t have to.” What crack is he on, is what Wonwoo really wants to ask him.

“I buy her a present every year.” Mingyu shrugs as if it’s no big deal.

 _But it fucking is._ It’s his mom’s birthday tomorrow. He hasn’t bought any present yet. And then here’s Mingyu of all the people that’s coming to hand over the present he’d bought for Wonwoo’s mother.

Who was the son here again?

The fact that Mingyu said that he buys her a present every year doesn’t sound too appealing either. What does he even think when he freaking buys a birthday present for his ex’s mother? Is he out of his mind?

“I don’t get it,” Is the only proper responses Wonwoo can think of at the moment.

“Don’t get what?”

“Why would you even buy her a present?”

Mingyu shrugs again. “Why not?”

And that answer makes Wonwoo a little uneasy.

“She’s _my_ mom.”

“So?”

“I’m your ex, remember?”

Maybe it’s the lighting, but Wonwoo feels like he sees a flash of hurt across Mingyu’s face for a second before the younger goes back to wearing a calm and composed look. “Of course I do.”

“Then why?”

“I’m sorry but you have to be a little more specific with your question. I don’t follow here.”

Wonwoo takes a long breath before exhaling slowly. “Mingyu...”

“Hm?”

“We...” Wonwoo says pointing between them, “We broke up. And I appreciate your kind gesture. Mom would be happy too to know you still care. But this... we... I don’t know how to phrase this. You don’t have to try this hard for me. Or my mom. Being in the same circle of friends like this is already hard enough, don’t push yourself.”

It’s quiet for a while. Mingyu looks like he wants to say something but seems to be struggling to find the words before he finally manages to say, “It’s because I care. About you, about your mother even if we’re no longer something.”

Wonwoo has no idea how to respond to that.

“You’re important to me.” Mingyu continues. “I think if there’s something that will last forever between us, it’s that feeling. I care for you, your family, and your happiness no matter what the circumstance. And yes we broke up, I’m aware of that. But whether we separate, stay in touch or rarely speak again, you will always be that someone I really do care for. Even if our relationship has come to this, I’ll still care for you.”

“Mingyu.” Wonwoo says, struggling to say his name. It tastes like acid on his tongue.

Mingyu lifts his head to meet Wonwoo’s eyes and the older feels guilty somehow. _No don’t look at me like that after everything you said._

It’s too much and too overwhelming. Wonwoo can’t hold all this nostalgia and memories shared between them flooding his mind at the speed of light. This kind of sentimental emotion— Wonwoo is not ready to share it with Mingyu again.

“I gotta go,” he blurts out. And so Wonwoo runs away.

  
  


**_April 19, 2014_ **

_Wonwoo traced his finger over Mingyu’s bare torso. Typically on the weekend they would go explore the town, but this one weekend they were lazily spending it in Mingyu’s bedroom, doing absolutely nothing. Mingyu’s car broke down the other day, so they couldn’t go anywhere until it was fixed anyway._

_“Do you like it that much?” Mingyu asked smiling when he noticed how Wonwoo’s finger stayed a little longer on the tattoo than anywhere else._

_“W—what? No.” Wonwoo pulled his hand back immediately, flustered with the words._

_But Mingyu was too quick to let Wonwoo retract his hand, and he gently put it back over the tattoo. Wonwoo felt heat rise to his face, but he didn’t pull away again, and traced over the ink over and over._

_“I don’t like it at all,” he lied._

_But who was he fooling? Wonwoo was a terrible liar. Mingyu didn’t say anything at that and only smirked, clearly too busy enjoying Wonwoo’s hand on his skin._

_After a few moments of silence, Wonwoo raised his head. He used his free hand to support his head so he was free to stare at the beauty of Mingyu’s face, the perfect slope of his nose, and long pretty lashes under his closed eyelids. “Sure you won’t regret this?”_

_“Regret what?”_

_“My name is written permanently on your body. You won’t be able to erase it. And even if you can, it’s gotta be pricey.”_

_Mingyu let one of his eyes open. “Why do you think I would want to erase it?”_

_Wonwoo shrugged. “I dunno. What if we break up?”_

_“Do you want that? Us to break up?”_

_“Stop answering my question with another question.” Wonwoo snapped, annoyed. “Seriously, what are you gonna do if in the future you suddenly realize you no longer love me, but you’ll have to see my name on your skin everyday as a constant reminder that you were stupid enough to tattoo my name on your body.”_

_“But you have one on your ribs too.”_

_“That’s just an initial. I can make up a story about it, without involving your name. Meanwhile you... let’s say you’re married one day, not with me. Your spouse is going to read ‘Jeon Wonwoo’ on your chest when you have sex. Like—” Wonwoo pulled a disgusted face. “—that’s not cool at all. They won’t be happy.”_

_Mingyu took time to answer. He now fully opened both his eyes. Staring at Wonwoo’s brown eyes he’d said he loved for far too long. “But I don’t want to get married or have sex with anyone that’s not Jeon Wonwoo.”_

_As much as the words fluttered against Wonwoo’s heart, and made his lungs burst with showers of flower petals, that’s not the answer he wanted. “No guarantee we’ll be together forever.” Although he would really love the idea. “What if it’s me who doesn’t want to marry you? What if I broke up with you? And then you move on with someone new but you still have my name there. What will you do? I mean really, what were you thinking when you got that tattoo?”_

_Once again it took longer for Mingyu to finally respond. “Obviously it’s not about us breaking up.” He gave Wonwoo this really soft look that made the older want to punch himself in the face. Because Mingyu always looked at him with what felt like hearts in his eyes. “I want us to last.”_

_Wonwoo’s face turned into a darker shade of red. “I’m really glad to hear that. Don’t get me wrong, but...”_

_This time Mingyu stopped him mid-sentence by pulling his body closer. They were now lying face to face. Every word on his tongue left Wonwoo all at once. His breath hitched when their eyes met._

_“I hope we last.” Mingyu whispered against his face. He brushed a strand of hair from Wonwoo’s forehead, and then started stroking his hair softly. “But if you really wanted to leave, then let’s talk about it.”_

_“If one day we break up—I really hope we won’t—this is how I want you to remember me,” Mingyu continues. “Remember me when we lay this way in my bed, your hands travelling through my skin and drawing map.”_

_“Remember me getting your name on my left chest, right above my heart because I’m too in love and you’re the reason it keeps beating like crazy. Remember me taking you with my father’s old car, driving aimlessly around this ugly town.”_

_“Remember our kisses under the sky, nearby the lake, inside the janitor’s closet, and the parking lot, also in your mom’s kitchen. Remember that I secretly felt glad when you got your heart broken by your ex who doesn’t deserve you at all, and likes blonde hair and blue eyes more than your dark orbs.”_

_“Remember all the things I did to get your attention. Remember my initials on your ribs and remember how I always tolerate your stubbornness because I’m too in love with you. I’ll remember your laugh and heartbeat when we’re so close like this. I’ll remember all our firsts and how they were so delightful we went back for seconds and thirds. And I’ll remember all your favorite songs that you make me listen to. If it comes to it, don’t remember the ending. Remember how I loved you. That’s why I placed your name on my skin permanently and...”_

_Mingyu stopped his monologue when Wonwoo trembled underneath him. Mingyu quickly cupped his face and forced him to look him in the eye. “Hey, why are you crying?”_

_Wonwoo cried harder instead of answering. He really wasn’t the crying type, He didn’t even cry that night he broke up with Ethan. Mingyu was clueless as to what he did wrong that resulted in the other’s teary eyes. Unlike some actor in drama, Wonwoo was pretty sure he looked ugly when he cried._

_“Well, I w-was only asking a simple question b-but you s-suh—say all that,” Wonwoo stammered out between tears. “How do you expect me to not cry you asshole.”_

_That would be the first time he cursed at Mingyu, and he wasn’t even angry per se. He just felt overwhelmed and his heart full of love because Mingyu was that amazing of a boyfriend, and Wonwoo felt like he barely deserved him._

_Wonwoo hoped they would last. He really fucking did._

  
  


 

It’s 2 AM and Wonwoo really wants to know how in the world he got into this situation again. One moment he was drinking and dancing in the bar with his friends, and the next moment he’s in a car with Kim Mingyu.

Even in his drunken state, Wonwoo is not happy the slightest bit.

Seungcheol was supposed to be his ride. How drunk is he that he didn’t even realize that those fuckers made Mingyu take him home instead?

“What the fuck?” Wonwoo curses the moment he regains enough composure to do just that.

The younger takes his eyes off the road only to look at Wonwoo. “Oh you’re awake?”

Wonwoo nods even if it’s obvious.

“I just dropped Joshua and now we’re on the way to your place.”

Wonwoo can confirm Mingyu is telling the truth because the road sign shows that they’re on the way from Joshua’s place to his. But that doesn’t stop him from asking accusingly, “Why am I with you? Where’s Seungcheol?”

Maybe Mingyu purposely ignores his defensive tone or maybe he just doesn’t care at all, because he just replies calmly, “Oh Seungcheol was really wasted. He can’t drive so he got a taxi with Jihoon and asked me to drop you off instead.”

That sly bastard, Wonwoo curses in his head. He’s about 0.000017% sure that Seungcheol is _actually_ wasted. Really, Seungcheol, likely along with Jeonghan and Soonyoung, are just being big pain in the asses and set this whole thing up.

Wonwoo deeply regrets how he he gave in to them and shared the story they’ve been prying for these days. This is exactly why he didn’t want to talk about it with any of them. Of course they’d pull this kind of bullshit.

“Dizzy?” Mingyu asks when Wonwoo sinks further into the seat and Wonwoo wants to say something like ‘your face makes me sick, your voice makes me sick, don’t talk to me’, but that would be too rude.

Moreover Mingyu is just trying to be nice, and he’s even giving him a ride home. So, Wonwoo shuts his lips and decides to be civil the entire ride. He’ll get home soon anyway.

What he doesn’t expect though is for Mingyu to reach out with one hand to search for something on the dashboard as he’s driving. After he seems to find what he’s looking for, he hands it over to Wonwoo. It’s a bottle of pills— aspirin to be exact.

“Take one,” he says, and Wonwoo does just that. A few seconds later Mingyu’s hand is in front of him again— this time with a bottle of water.

Wonwoo is a bit hesitant but he takes it anyway because water sounds like a much better idea than enduring this pounding in his head. “Thank you,” he says after gulping half of the water with the pill.

Mingyu only glances over and smiles from the driver seat, and Wonwoo feels even sicker, like he wants to puke. He really hates that damn smile.

_No._

_That’s a lie._

Wonwoo likes Mingyu’s smile. Also his crooked teeth and canines. His stomach feels funny like there’s a thousand butterflies fluttering in it. This feels so much like their late night drives in Nevada with Mingyu’s old Corolla.

Suddenly Wonwoo can’t stop himself from saying, “Reminds me of the past.”

A sober 22-year-old Wonwoo would never have said that. But well, he’s still not fully recovered from his drunken state, and he’s driving at 2am with his ex just like the old days— Wonwoo suddenly feels eighteen again.

If Mingyu is startled because of his comment, he hides it well and responds in calm manner. “Past?”

“Yeah,” says Wonwoo. He should stop himself, he’ll definitely regret this in the morning. But as of now the alcohol in his system is stronger than the will to stop himself from saying anything he knows he’ll regret. “Remember when we would drive in the city and you always took me home before curfew?”

_Stupid Wonwoo. Stupid. How’s Mingyu supposed to reply to that?_

But now that he’s started, he can’t seem to stop.

“Remember that time we had sex in the backseat and when we gave the car back to your dad he stared at us all weird because he probably knew what we did, but he didn’t say anything about it? Also that one time we...“

Wonwoo keeps talking and talking, replaying all past memories he— _they_ —should’ve left behind already.

He knows he should stop when he sees Mingyu holding the steering wheel so tightly his knuckle turn white, but for some odd reason, he can’t seem find the lock for his mouth. The words seem to pour out like water drops on a rainy night. This isn’t Nevada, isn’t their little town, and obviously isn’t high school.

This is their life now. They’re in a big city with street lamps that don’t flicker. In California, the state that never sleeps. Time to move on. But God, at the night all these streets look eerily familiar to Wonwoo.

He feels extremely light headed, drunk as hell, and out of the blue missing everything in the past; all those night adventures, all the giddy feelings when he touched his name on Mingyu’s chest, he just misses it all, he misses _Mingyu_. And maybe tomorrow when he wakes up sober, he will still miss him.

Love is stupid. And its second name must be karma because it surely acts like a bitch.

Even when he thinks he’s completely over Mingyu after years, it only takes some noisy friends and constantly seeing each other for Wonwoo’s feelings to make a comeback, and make all his efforts to move on a fucking joke.

 

The strong feeling and connection they shared, what made it end in the first place? Simply because they got lost in translation, and maybe—just maybe—Wonwoo was just being overdramatic back then.

 

 

**_September-October 2014_ **

_Autumn was never Wonwoo’s favorite season of the year, but the one back in 2014 had to be his least favorite autumn of all._

_Aside from the strong wind blowing his hair constantly, or the super thick clothing he had to wear, and the ugly brown that filled the town— there was the problem of thinking more seriously about his future, considering the fact that he was already a senior. There was also the pressure from the choir team._

_Nearing the holiday season, Wonwoo practiced harder until he felt his throat cracking. He also had a part time job to collect cash for college. And so with his shitty ability to manage his time with all that work, he witnessed his grades taking a free fall._

_Midterms were the pinnacle of stocked up stress. Let’s just say he tried to do everything at the same time which resulted in him accomplishing nothing, and this of course caused his increasingly stressed state._

_It would be great to have a very supportive boyfriend who waited for him after his choir practices everyday, kept him company in the library to catch up on his studies, drove him back and forth to his part time job with his dad’s car, and then listened to him talking about his long day. Mingyu was supposed to be that boyfriend. But much to his disappointment, Mingyu wasn’t._

_They had been fighting a lot lately. Mingyu wouldn’t stop whining about him not making effort and time to be with him. So Wonwoo would get angry and both would just yell at each other. They wouldn’t talk for days until Mingyu crawled back to him and apologize for not understanding. Everything would be good for a while before they repeated that exact same pattern. It was exhausting._

_It was late September, and Wonwoo was just being dropped off from the end of his work shift, when Mingyu stopped the older before he got out of the car and said, “I missed you.”_

_Wonwoo, not wanting another screaming contest (especially not in front of his house), answered with a sigh, “We meet everyday.”_

_Mingyu pouted like the puppy he is. “I mean, I missed spending time with you, driving at night, not just driving you from home to school, school to work, work to home and repeat.”_

_“Oh,” was all Wonwoo managed to say. Of course he knew what Mingyu meant. It’s not like he didn’t miss that too. He really did. But this was not the proper time. Mingyu should understand that it was already hard for him to manage everything at the moment. He got home super tired everyday from classes, practice, and work. He couldn’t make Mingyu his priority at the moment._

_Wonwoo took a deep breath. “I’m really sorry for not making time for you lately. I’ve been too busy. I thought you would understand.”_

_Mingyu forced a smile at that, and Wonwoo could tell he wasn’t happy when the smile didn’t reach his eyes. Mingyu was probably tired of fighting too, so he just said, “Of course I do. I just need some more time to get used to it I guess.”_

_Wonwoo smiled upon hearing it. He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his boyfriend’s cheek and said, “I’ll make it up to you at least after this whole thing with choir is done.”_

_“Promise?” Mingyu said hopefully._

_Wonwoo smiled. “Promise.”_

 

_But contrary to his word, Mingyu did not understand, and his constant sulking and the quiet rides to school were indication of that. He complained how it wasn’t fair that they were dating but hardly spent quality time these days. The constant complaining from Mingyu’s end, made Wonwoo increasingly tired and he started avoiding his boyfriend._

_Some time in the October, Wonwoo told Mingyu not to wait for him after practice. He had a ride home, he claimed. Much to his surprise Mingyu didn’t complain about it and he didn’t show up after practice._

_Another time, Wonwoo texted Mingyu before his shift on his part time job was over._

**_Don’t pick me up_ **

**_I’m with a friend_ **

_He knew that was a bit off and Mingyu might be a little confused and pissed off because at this hour, he would’ve started the car and was about to pick up Wonwoo from work. When he received a reply from the latter it only consist of an angry ‘_ **_K’._ **

_Wonwoo tried not to think about it too much._

_The day after that Wonwoo was completely MIA from Mingyu. He didn’t text or pick up his phone._

_He felt a little guilty because the only time he replied to Mingyu was to say:_ **_You don’t have to pick me up to school tomorrow._ **

_Mingyu’s good morning text and question whether Wonwoo busy, and all the worried messages because he hadn’t replied all day were ignored._

_Soon came Mingyu’s reply:_ **_Why?_ ** _to which Wonwoo ignored too, because he didn’t have the heart to lie, moreover to tell Mingyu the truth that he was avoiding the other because he needed a little space._

_Yet through all this, Mingyu had never argued with anything he said, which Wonwoo couldn’t decide whether it’s a good thing or not._

  


 

 

Mingyu takes a wrong turn intentionally, which Wonwoo doesn’t miss. Instead, he pretends to be dense and just lets Mingyu take him wherever, just like old times.

It’s almost 3 AM. They’re in a road three turns away from his street.

“Sorry, I think I took the wrong turn.” Mingyu says. Obviously it’s a lie. He knows these streets like the back of his hand.

“I don’t mind,” Wonwoo shrugs. Because he really doesn’t. Then he turns his body to look out at the night street from the opened car window. He rests his head against the seatbelt and closes his eyes. The cold wind touches his skin gently and it calms his head a little.

He can feel Mingyu’s gaze on him.

“Keep your eyes on the road, Mingyu.”

This makes Mingyu jump. Wonwoo looks back to see Mingyu clearly mortified that he’d been caught staring. Mingyu’s eyes are immediately back on the street just like Wonwoo told him to do.

Wonwoo chuckles lightly. “Remember when you almost ran the red ’cause you were too busy looking at me?”

Mingyu probably doesn’t remember judging by the confused look on his face. And after all, it’s been a long time since then, and Mingyu has pulled too much of that same shit in the past, so it’s more likely he's confused what took place where.

Wonwoo can’t help but smile as Mingyu’s furrows brows, still trying to remember. He’s glad to know that that part of him has not changed even after all these years.

But just as quickly, his smile is replaced with a frown. He shifts his position again so he’s facing Mingyu who’s busy driving. “When did you get that close with Seokmin?”

“Hm?” Mingyu thinks for a bit. “I think second semester of last year? Probably. We have a group chat of these 1997 born guys from our shared classes.”

Wonwoo recalls Minghao telling him about that group chat the other day. “But don’t you um— hate him?”

Mingyu tightens his hold on the steering wheel and visibly clenches his teeth. He probably remembers Wonwoo’s last year in high school, and the thing that involved Seokmin, Wonwoo, and Mingyu’s own stupidity.

That’s not something to forget so easily. And maybe, just like Wonwoo, sometimes Mingyu loses sleep at night thinking about it, even if they long since moved on and both are happy with their group of friends.

“That’s in the past,” Mingyu says shaking his head. “I like him now. I mean, not “like-like”, but like as a friend. You know what I mean. He’s a happy virus and has so much positivity. Hard to hate someone like that.”

“Oh.” Wonwoo nods dumbly and puts a fake smile. “Told you so. He’s a good kid.”

“Well, I know that now.”

But there’s a sudden pang in his heart. Wonwoo can’t explain why’s it even there in the first place. He knows it’s stupid that he feels jealousy— as if Mingyu owed him some sort of loyalty, and couldn’t talk about another guy so fondly.

  


 

**_October 2014_ **

_Mingyu is not someone possessive. They’ve dated for quite a while and he’s never shown any strong jealousy so openly. Which was why Wonwoo was a little dumbfounded when he snapped a week before Halloween._

_That day, the younger finally convinced Wonwoo to hop in his car after days of not spending time with each other. They stopped at Taco Bell to grab lunch, then drove along the street that were filled with tumbling brown leaves._

_Wonwoo was on his phone most of the time and Mingyu didn’t say a thing at first._

_He drove through Granada Ave to Palisade Drive. About two miles from there, Mingyu found a quiet park and stopped his car. Wonwoo raised his head from his phone and gave Mingyu a questioning look._

 

 _He saw anger in his eyes, and Wonwoo couldn’t guess what caused it. That is until Mingyu asked,_ _“Who do you talk to on your phone?”_

_Wonwoo frowned, unaware of what was about to come. He replied calmly. “No one.”_

_“No one?” Mingyu snapped angrily. He saw Wonwoo flinch so he softened his voice. “Wonwoo we haven’t seen each other in three weeks. You don’t reply to my texts, don’t pick up when I call, and I try so hard to understand, okay? I get it. You’re the busiest human alive. You can’t make time for me. But can’t you just— I dunno, not play with your phone right now when we’re finally together? I mean, you obviously act like you don’t have one whenever I text or call.”_

_“This is an important discussion, Gyu.” Wonwoo rolled his eyes to make a point that Mingyu was being dramatic. “You know the choir is...”_

_Mingyu cut him off before Wonwoo finished, “With Lee Seokmin huh?”_

_“This is the choir group chat.”_

_“Yeah, and in the choir group Seokmin’s there right?”_

_Wonwoo looked at him confused, but nodded anyway, failing to notice what Mingyu was trying to imply. “Of course. He’s one of the main sopranos.”_

_“Oh wow. Good for him,” Mingyu snorted loudly, then sank into his seat._

_Neither of them spoke for a moment until Wonwoo opened his mouth again. “Are you sulking right now?”_

_“I don’t know. Am I sulking?” Mingyu scowled back at him._

_“Okay, enough. I don’t get it. Why are you suddenly acting this way?”_

_“Why do I act this way? You tell me.”_

_“What’s your fucking problem?” This time Wonwoo snapped._

_And oh, he was clearly not the only one annoyed. That was the right question because Mingyu got up from his position and faced him fully with anger. “My problem?!” he half yelled. “My problem is you, Jeon Wonwoo. You.”_

_Wonwoo looked at his boyfriend offended. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”_

_“That means, I try so hard for you, okay? I always try. Ever since that night in subway? When your ex dumped you and I looked for you and made sure you didn’t think about him too much. The day after that? I spent so much time trying to cheer you up. I take you back and forth to school and home, I take you driving to so many places, text and call you religiously so you wouldn’t have any chance to think about your asshole ex. I do pretty much everything for you. Everything.”_

_“You need to focus on your study so we have to cut our time together? Okay, I understand. School comes first. You cut me out completely from your day? Okay, cool. As long as I don’t distract you. But what the hell? You let Seokmin drive you everyday to school. Yeah I saw you got into his car two weeks ago when I came to pick you up, even though you said I didn’t have to. Well, look at what I found.”_

_“I also know you spend so much time with him in school and obviously that’s not enough is it? I saw him take you back from work too. I’ve never been jealous. You know that. And even now, I’ve been giving my self so many excuses for whatever you do with him, because— because I believe in you. I want to. But right now, when I’m finally with you like this, what are you doing? Texting Lee Seokmin. Wonwoo, what the fuck? How did you think I’d react to this?”_

_From everything Mingyu had said Wonwoo only responded with, “I told you this is a group chat?” Because that’s the only thing that sounded wrong. He knew the other things Mingyu said had been true._

_“Did you do something with him? Did you... behind my back...”_

_“Whoa, stop right there,” Wonwoo immediately said. He was dreading with how this conversation had turned. “You’re talking nonsense. Did you eat something bad this morning?”_

_“Wonwoo, it’s not time to fucking joke. I’m serious,” Mingyu glared at him._

_Wonwoo went silent for a minute. Then he carefully said, “What do you want me to say?”_

_“Are you cheating on me with Seokmin?”_

_“You think I would do that?” Wonwoo cried out indignantly. He glared at his boyfriend._

_“I wouldn’t know whatever you did behind my back.”_

_“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”_

_“You know what I mean,” Mingyu retorted._

_“So you don’t trust me?”_

_“I don’t know. With us like this now, it’s hard to trust you.”_

_“You don’t trust me.” Wonwoo stated matter-of-factly. His voice gave away how betrayed he felt. “You don’t trust me and you think I’m cheating on you with Seokmin.”_

_For a second, Mingyu looked like he wanted to refrain from making Wonwoo more angry by adding anything. But that vanished immediately, and instead he said, “If you did something secretly behind my back, I wouldn’t know. I wouldn’t even know Seokmin gives you rides if I hadn’t seen you. How can I trust you like that?”_

_Wonwoo refused to say a word. Deep inside he knew Mingyu had every reason to act that way. But it’s been a long week, and an even longer month— and he missed Mingyu dearly, of course he did. But he hadn’t expected this kind of conversation at all when he got in his car after school. So instead of owning up for his mistakes here, Wonwoo was more than just a little pissed off._

_“Whatever,” he retorted. “Believe whatever you want to believe. I don’t care.”_

_Then he got out of the car. The Mingyu he knew would usually be so quick to hold his hand and not let him get out without solving their issue. Or at least, even if they didn’t solve anything, he would take Wonwoo home and apologize for being childish days later._

_But Mingyu was clearly angry and disappointed too. He didn’t care. He drove his car, wordlessly leaving Wonwoo._

  


 

It’s past 3 AM, and they really did get lost. It’s unintentional now. Mingyu took some wrong turns and now has no idea where they are. Their phones both ran out of power too. Too frustrated to find the right path again, Mingyu parks randomly on an empty street.

“Sorry, I made us lost.”

Wonwoo snorts, headache subsiding from the pills he took. “No problem.”

This reminded him of Christmas eve 2012, the very first time Mingyu took him driving with his dad’s Corolla and they got lost. That’s one of the memories that makes him feel the most conflicted. There were so many times that he hated that certain moment to death, but sometimes, when he was in a fragile and sad state, it makes his heart go soft and he longs for that moment. This is one of those rare times.

Currently, he feels somehow happy, remembering that night when Mingyu confessed to him. When he made Wonwoo feel wanted.

“Sorry.” Mingyu says out of the blue.

Wonwoo raises his eyebrow. _Sorry for what?_ he wants to ask.

Mingyu exhales loudly, and stares blankly at the roof of his car. Now he uses a new car that looks so much better inside and outside than his Dad’s old car. But for some odd reason, Wonwoo misses the ugly Corolla, with its broken ac and radio.

Wonwoo stops thinking and smiles slowly. Maybe it’s not the car he misses, but the feelings and memories they shared in it he misses the most.

He can hear Mingyu’s loud sigh in the silence and Wonwoo turns his head so he can see Mingyu’s face but is surprised when instead he’s greeted by the younger’s eyes who is already looking at him.

Wonwoo never admitted it in the past, but he also thought Mingyu had the prettiest eyes. Wonwoo loved it more than words could explain. Combined with his canine and crooked teeth, Mingyu was the most beautiful person he laid his eyes upon.

“It must be super uncomfortable for you lately,” Mingyu says with a sigh, snapping Wonwoo out of his thoughts.

For a moment Wonwoo feels lost. He doesn’t catch what those words imply. But realization quickly hits Wonwoo. “Oh. I—um I don’t—“

“Should I stop hanging out with you guys?” Mingyu cuts in.

Wonwoo is quick to protest. “What no! Why?”

Mingyu only shrugs. “Well, they were your friends first before mine. I feel bad for making you uncomfortable every time. Especially now that they know....” he stops his sentence here, and Wonwoo bitterly wonders what makes it so hard to say out loud.

He indeed feels a little uncomfortable these days. But for a different reason than what Mingyu thinks that discomfort probably is. For one, he feels uncomfortable from the way his heart beats loudly at the mention of Mingyu’s name.

“And I know you still hate me. ’Cause of what I did. So, I think it’s for the best I don’t show my face from now, right?” Mingyu sighs, head drooping.

Wonwoo has the urge to say “I don’t care what you did, or do now— in fact no one cares.”

Just like how he told Mingyu it was okay to hang out with his friends. But his tongue refuses to move, and for once, when the effect of the alcohol barely lingers—he’s actually not that drunk— and all this nostalgia is hitting him at the speed of light, Wonwoo can’t put up a front and lie.

Because, God, he does care. He fucking cares so much.

And he doesn’t hate Mingyu anymore. It’s been so long since he stopped feeling that way. Way before Mingyu burst through the door and waltzed straight into his life again. And before his friends started questioning the existence of his love life.

Wonwoo remembers when he left the airport and was in the taxi, admiring the unfamiliar streets of Burbank which strangely reminded him of Jacobsen Drive where he got lost with Mingyu the first time. And he remembers when his brother looked at him confused on Christmas, New Year, and the days following until graduation because Mingyu didn’t show up at the front door, not even once. Bohyuk caught on quickly that they’d broken up, so he stopped questioning it. And he even remembers their last phone call on November when he hung up on Mingyu with anger bubbling up on his chest. He changed his number then and hadn’t heard of him ’till August 2017.

Wonwoo feels his chest tighten full of pent up words that are about to burst at the seams of his mouth. Something about how he’s no longer angry with Mingyu’s carelessness, and that Wonwoo also took part on what caused it. Wonwoo understands Mingyu’s heart, and honestly he misses him more than what he’s ever allowed himself to admit.

  


 

**October 31st 2014**

_Mingyu kissed Irina Scherban._

_Of all people in their highschool, from the whole population in their town, Mingyu let out his jealousy of Wonwoo’s closeness with Seokmin, by kissing the one person that makes Wonwoo feel the most insecure about himself._

_“Are you fucking kidding me?” Wonwoo yelled out, and couldn’t stop looking at Mingyu’s red lips— from Irina’s lipstick. He’d just seen them together and Irina was already leaving. “You accused me of cheating with Seokmin who I had to spend so much time with because I,” Wonwoo quoted in the air “am apparently cheating on you. When really we’re just friends and work in the same place. While you’re here right now kissing some other girl sober?! Great, Mingyu! Just great!”_

_Wonwoo knew Mingyu didn’t trust him and accused him of cheating, and while it hurt, it was almost reasonable considering the way Wonwoo had acted. After he gave it a long thought, Wonwoo had decided that he was in the wrong this time and was about to apologize._

_That is, before he caught him kissing Irina._

_He didn’t know what hurt more. The fact that Mingyu was so angry without trying to put himself in Wonwoo’s shoes or listen to him, and just went around kissing another girl that easily— as if their relationship meant nothing to him. Or because of all people it had to be Irina. Who was part of the reason Wonwoo’s heart was already broken once, and Irina whose ocean eyes and golden locks that looked the most stunning under the sunshine— because Mingyu knew that would hurt his pride the most._

_Wonwoo had never felt so betrayed and disappointed. He definitely wasn’t this hurt the first time around._

_Mingyu tried to apologize later. He came to Wonwoo’s house and waited the whole day on his front yard, but Wonwoo refused to see him._

_The next day, Mingyu rang the bell. Wonwoo told Bohyuk not to answer the door._

_He saw Mingyu waiting in front of his locker and the practice room, and turned on his heel before the younger’s eye caught him._

_He also saw Mingyu’s car in front of his work place. And being the coward he was, he asked Seokmin to tell Mingyu that he went home early because of a class project._

_He didn’t reply to Mingyu’s texts or pick up his phone._

_It took Wonwoo ten days to gather the courage to call Mingyu first._

_He spoke to Mingyu in the coldest tone he’d ever used on the younger. He told Mingyu not to show up to every place he wanted to go._

_“This is not about Seokmin, or Irina, or whoever else,” Wonwoo told him. “You have no faith in me. If you’re like this now, then what about when I’m in college? And now that you did that, I’m the one who can’t trust you anymore. What if you kissed other people whenever you’re mad that I’m too busy in college and can’t make time for you? And by the way, if you were trying to hurt me by kissing Irina, you really did. Congratulations, Mingyu. Now I know that those pretty blue eyes will always beat me. I hate you so fucking much.”_

_Every sorry Mingyu said in between his angry rant, was drowned away in the midst of his fury, and none of it reached Wonwoo’s heart. He was too blinded with anger._

_With that he hung up his call and changed his number._

_And it was over. Just like that._

 

 

 

 

It’s 5 AM.

Wonwoo is laying in bed face to face with Mingyu. He has no idea how they ended up like this again.

(He actually does.)

“Thought we’d never find the way home.” Mingyu had said earlier after helping Wonwoo get to bed.

Wonwoo answers with a light chuckle, and Mingyu watches him settle in his bed before he says, “Okay, now that you’re safe in your apartment, comfortable on your bed, time for me to go home.”

Wonwoo would like to blame the alcohol in his veins for what he does next. Even if knows he’s much more clear-headed right now. Either way, he doesn’t want Mingyu to leave.

“Stay with me.”

Mingyu stops in his track, and slowly turns around to stare at Wonwoo. “Excuse me? What?”

“Don’t leave,” Wonwoo repeats, this time feeling almost desperate.

Mingyu takes a few hesitant steps towards him. He sits on the edge of the bed and naturally move his hand to brush Wonwoo’s hair. “You want me to be here?”

Wonwoo moves over on the bed to make some space for Mingyu. “There’s no rush for you to leave. Lay here with me.”

 

Wonwoo doesn’t know how long they’ve laid like that, staring into each other’s eyes and talking. He’s really civil around Mingyu today.

They talk about college, about their plans for the future, about their friends, about Soonyoung, about Jeonghan, about Jihoon’s strange relationship with Seungcheol (Mingyu says he still can’t quite understand how Seungcheol managed to tame the little devil), about Vernon and his surprisingly big fanclub on the internet. They also talk about Seokmin and his questionable IQ, about the squirrels in campus during autumn, about the idols that hit big lately back in their hometown, and about Mrs. Jeon’s birthday.

 

They just talk until they run out of topics and Wonwoo feels exhausted but he doesn’t want to close his eyes. He wants to continue enjoying the feeling of Mingyu’s hand stroking his arm, and the sound of his voice.

“You really didn’t date in college at all? Not even once?” Mingyu asks out of nowhere after a few minutes spent in the relaxing silence. “I- I mean, I don’t want to pry,” he stammers. “Soonyoung just told me the other day. I don’t really know what to do with that information.” Mingyu chuckles nervously. “But now I got uh, curious.”

Wonwoo doesn’t blink a second time, or say anything about Mingyu’s awkward laugh. He just nods and hums. “Mm hmm.”

“Can I ask why?”

Wonwoo lifts one of his eyebrow and Mingyu adds quickly. “I mean if you don’t mind of course. You don’t have to tell me if you do. It’s cool.”

Wonwoo chuckles. He stares at Mingyu longer than necessary. It’s been too long since the last time they did this, but somehow the feeling is still so familiar, and Wonwoo thinks he might still be a little too in love.

“I’ve had enough.”

“Uh what?” Mingyu asks, clearly confused.

“I don’t want to repeat it all over again. Knowing someone, getting close, telling them all my secrets, taking them to my house, into my bed, making them listen to all my favorite songs, the books I read, what kind of date I like,” Wonwoo sighs. “It’s tiring. I have zero energy for that.”

“So you want to be alone for the rest of your life?”

“What?” Wonwoo holds back a laugh. Where did Mingyu get that idea. “Not _that_ long. I’ll settle up eventually. Maybe one day I will, but I don’t want to meet new people right now.”

Mingyu stares at him in the dim light of his room. Sunrays are trying to peek from behind the curtains by now. And maybe he sees something in Wonwoo’s eyes that suddenly pushes his courage to say, “If there’s someone who loves you genuinely and you don’t have to repeat all those processes to be with him, are you willing to try with him?”

Wonwoo stares at Mingyu dumbfounded for a couple seconds. “You mean someone who knows my favorite songs and will play it when we’re lost in an unknown street at night?”

He sees Mingyu gulp visibly. Maybe he doesn’t expect Wonwoo to catch on so quickly at what he was trying to suggest. “Yes.”

“Aren’t you seeing someone right now?” Wonwoo frowns. “Juni? Junhui? That Chinese guy.”

“What?” Mingyu says a little taken aback. “No! That’s Minghao’s boyfriend. What the hell?”

“Oh,” Wonwoo says dumbly. “I thought...”

“I didn’t see anyone else since we broke up.” Mingyu shakes his head. “I mean, yeah I hooked up here and there in the past. But I didn’t—you know...”

Wonwoo is taken aback by Mingyu’s words.

“So do you?” Wonwoo chooses to ignore whatever Mingyu’s trying to say for now. He feels brave, or may be he’s just too tired to care, but he reaches his hands up and brushes Mingyu’s sweaty bangs from his forehead. “Do you know my favorite songs?”

“I still keep the old playlist on my phone,” Mingyu answers without missing a beat.

“Is it because of the guys’ constant teasing? And because you see me too often lately, you fell for me again?”

That question is greeted with Mingyu’s light laugh. It’s a stupid, tired question. But it’s genuine. “Why do you say that as if I ever stopped in the first place?”

Wonwoo struggles to find the words to respond. His heart pounds against his ears, loud and demanding. “So you still love me?” He finally asks.

“Of course I do. I always do.”

  
  


 

_When Wonwoo broke up with Mingyu he cried more than he ever remembered did his whole life._

_He wasn’t the type to cry often. But he had loved Mingyu too much and couldn’t hold back his tears whenever he thought of him, of them. Sometimes there was a strong urge in his heart to call Mingyu with his new number and tell him how much he missed him and that he overreacted._

_Other times he found that thought ridiculous. He never did call anyway. The cold snow following his broken heart made the organ even colder. He felt like it frosted underneath his thick coat. The days rolled by too quick. Around came new year and he didn’t spend it kissing Mingyu like he planned the year before._

_The streets were still wet when February came, and then flowers started blossoming along the road. Soon summer was in the air, and suddenly he was nineteen and often crying in his room because of stress from final and college entrance exams, and also from loneliness._

_At a moment of weakness before his birthday was over, Wonwoo stared into his reflection. He inspected every inch of his body that shrank even more from the past eight months, and his eyes lingered a little longer at the dragon that formed his ex’s initial on his ribs._

_Wonwoo thought about how much emotion he wasted for this one boy. And he felt stupid. Because however much he loved him, he had to live with his feet on the ground not his head in the clouds._

_Wonwoo had been cold ever since then._

  


 

When he looks into Mingyu’s brown eyes, with their feet tangled underneath the blankets and their breaths so close, the ice wedged in his heart seems to crack before crumbling all together.

Mingyu gazes into his eyes, so Wonwoo does the same and starts counting his eyelashes. They spend minutes only staring at each other like that.

Wonwoo doesn’t know who moves first, but suddenly he can feel Mingyu’s warm breath on his skin. They’re only an inch apart before Wonwoo quickly eliminates all the remaining space between. It’s a short fleeting kiss, but Wonwoo feels his heart warm the moment their lips touch.

Wonwoo pulls always and calls out his name. “Mingyu.”

His name still tastes like all the memories haunting him.

“If we repeat Nevada here, in California, will we be okay?”

“We won’t know unless we try,” Mingyu answers.

And maybe Wonwoo is too curious not to try. Perhaps he’s still too in love with Mingyu. Maybe it’s not wrong to live with his head in the clouds as long as he’s not alone and they’re willing to trust each other. This time, Wonwoo genuinely hopes they will last. And maybe they will, because they’ve both grown and aren’t naive, silly teenagers anymore.

Wonwoo speaks first this time.

“Let’s date again.”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope this is not confusing ;;;;
> 
> Please tell me what you think about this :D and let's scream together about meanie on [twitter](https://twitter.com/dekadeki_)


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